Arthur Ashe Stadium and first-week U.S. Open fails

Nothing screams “get as far away from me as possible” like a stadium that is hosting a Grand Slam first-round match between Serena Williams and Magda Linette. It’s a high-alert situation. An all-out Code Red.

It’s not just Serena, of course. She isn’t the problem. And neither is any other GOAT. This is simply the reality of the situation: the three certainties of life are death, taxes, and first-week blowouts in Arthur Ashe Stadium.

This isn’t Wimbledon, where some random big hitter can get hot and serve a favorite clean off a grass court. And this isn’t the French Open, where a clay-court specialist can surprise an otherwise top player who may have clay allergies.

Unless you get a fluky first-round draw at the U.S. Open like Venus Williams vs. a former champion (Venus-Svetlana Kuznetsova was a decent three-setter on Monday), a taxi ride in NYC is better value than a ticket in the stratosphere of Ashe.

And yet people still flock to Arthur Ashe Stadium in droves, starting at 12:00 p.m. on the first Monday and continuing just about every hour thereafter for the remainder of the fortnight. That’s a really good idea on like the second Wednesday or–better still–on championship Sunday. But on the first Monday? That’s just poor decision-making.

And if you’re actually going into Ashe, do yourself a favor and put on an act like you’re part of the Bataan Death March, getting dragged in there against your will by some friend who’s never seen Serena, Roger Federer, or Rafael Nadal in person and simply wants to catch a glimpse–even from 5,000 miles away. Don’t admit that you’re actually excited about it when the smart folks are laughing at you while walking in the other direction to go see…I don’t know…five-setters like Kevin Anderson and Ryan Harrison on Court 17, Lorenzo Sonego vs. Gilles Muller on Court 16, or Taylor Fritz vs. Mischa Zverev on Court 10.

What makes those spots even better is that you can enjoy those smorgasbord of riches in the same place at the same time. You could have watched Sonego-Muller from five feet away, turned around, and watched Nicolas Jarry vs. Peter Gojowyczk also from five feet away.

Another pro tip: you can see courts 13, 14, and 15 all very well–extremely well–from the same spot behind the baseline. You can do the same with 8, 9, and 10. Or walk up to the top of 12 and you can keep an eye on basically every outer court on the entire grounds of the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center.

Just do yourself a favor and don’t go into Ashe until we start getting things like Serena vs. Venus and Federer vs. Nick Kyrgios. In other words, DO NOT GO INTO ASHE on Tuesday.

What’s on Tuesday? Well, the “marquee” night-session offering includes Federer vs. Yoshihito Nishioka and Madison Keys vs. Pauline Parmentier.

For that we may need a code higher than red.